I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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