she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize