You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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