I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
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After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
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This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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