some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
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Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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