Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize