I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
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It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
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If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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