He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
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So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
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When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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