i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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