May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize