Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
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No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
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Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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