I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
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you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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