I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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