I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
handjob tips. give me some.
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I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
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theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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