ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you traded sex for a burrito?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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