he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
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I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
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I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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