i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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