Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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