i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize