just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize