just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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