My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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