last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
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I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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