if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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