I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize