someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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