They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
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I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
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I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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