Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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