So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize