he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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