i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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