but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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