**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
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my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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