i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
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I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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