yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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