i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
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New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
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I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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