FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
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I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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