About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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