i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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