2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
