I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
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By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
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He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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