The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize