What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize