no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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