why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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