i was born a porn star she said
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
