Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
