Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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