Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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