somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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