Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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