i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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